The Visit. Its Over.

Hello everyone. So I am back. To quote #Joey from #F.R.I.E.N.D.S.   How u doin’?

Today I went back to my college to drop off my wife. Felt very weird as I was returning after a long time. A mixed bag of emotions, as usual. After I left her wards, I marched up to my department. Or rather dragged myself up. All the while making multiple calls to the desk nurse and inquiring the movements of my consultants, to make my timings precise in order to avoid some people. Then I realized actually that I was trying to avoid the very person in whose vivas I blacked out. Thus I decided that there was no need for all the cloaks and dagger stuff. So I straightway walked into the department. I had beforehand information that the patient load was less but there were also silly undergrad students for their clinical postings. Rats. I didn’t want to go waltzing in there with those silly stupid kids watching all my shenanigans. So I held my head up high, took a deep breath and exhaled it out (had to tuck my tummy in, ok, don’t judge me for this) and strolled. My professor (let’s call him P2 for future references) was surprised to see me. I know he is tough nut but this time I could read his face as I was all calm and composed or at least fooled myself into believing that and not shaking and on verge of peeing in my pants. He was nice and courteous in his usual charming style. He asked me why I ran off and said failure isn’t the end of the world etc etc. The pep talk you know. He also told me that he cleared his exams at 4^th attempt, yeah right. But dude, there is a fundamental difference between you and me. In my life my studies are the most important activity, while considering him I don’t think things were any different back then for him. So there you go. Don’t even compare yourself with me. Then he drops the bomb, the thing that I dreaded. He suggested with all seriousness that I should join back and see patients and attend surgeries, in official capacity, he also added that he would talk to my department head (P1 from now on) personally. This means should I should relocate to that stupid town. No way. Not over my dead body, especially as a student. I just nodded along. I walked out feeling pretty pleased with myself; I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down though. Because I had to give him a shitty story to justify my actions. Why? Why did I have to justify myself to him. It’s my life. Oh, God now I feel like kicking myself. Also he asked me to lose some weight. What the fish???? Is he blind? Can’t he see I have dropped 13 kilos? Or may be it’s not a significant amount on a huge hippo like me.

Next, I had to meet P1. I walked into his office while he was taking his laptop out. Even he was surprised to see me and a wee bit of rationed out smile escaped his mask like face. As usual our talk lasted for less than one minute. And was he busy? Noooo. Why does he treat me as if I am the scum of the earth? All he asked me whether I was studying or not this time. Duh! What the hell did I do the first time? I already wasted one year in the thesis debacle (let’s not go there right now). I said I am trying to. Thank God, at least he was aware that I have prelims from Monday. And for formality as I had promised t P2, I asked P1 whether I could come to wards for rounds and surgeries (obviously I am not going to waste my whole days in OPDs), he absent mindedly said yes. Rats. Am Stuck. While exiting his office I suddenly noticed that he was staring at my tummy ( which is way flat than before courtesy exercise, diet and some magical squishy underwear, I know the undergarment thing is very lowly lazy but hey I just use it  to augment my appearances not to fool myself into believing am getting thinner). May be I was hallucinating. But I am pretty sure he was staring at my midsection fixedly. Or he was totally lost into something. But then all he was doing was taking his laptop out of his bag. So either he looks at his bag or my face. Still the jury is out on this one.

Then when I was almost out of the hospital I remembered I should meet my unit head P3. I went to meet him in the OR. He seemed kinda busy. And cold. And distant. And I did not like it.

So that’s how it went. On the way back home I was feeling bit of relieved and a bit sad. The usual state of my mind.

Oh and one more good news, my university exams aren’t until the second week of October. So again I have one and half month to pick my act up.

PS: am not reading yet, it’s almost midnight and still haven’t started for the damned prelims. And yeah, on the weight loss front, no gym, ate sensibly whole day with three toasts and one fried egg with one mug of milk for brekkie, 3 rotis and two roasted chicken thighs, one serving of khichdi and kadhi with roasted potatoes. Pretty decent compared to the garbage I used to eat in hostel, but then here comes the catch. Had a bowl full of strawberry choco-chip ice-cream. Damn, when will I learn?