Random Ramblings....

Arrrgh….this cold just doesn't seem to go away. My nose is still blocked and runny. I wonder how both these things exist simultaneously. Either it’s blocked or it runs. Don’t remember reading anything like this in ENT books in the third year of my grad school. My throat feels all itchy and scratchy. Still it didn't stop me from putting out a concert for my kid belting out songs right from falsetto to bass in the evening. I really think I could have been a singer if I had given myself a chance (most of my family and friends groan whenever I say this. Ok not most but all); I always had very loud voice while singing since kindergarten. At times my music teacher had to ask me to shut up. And finally I was shunted from the school choir to dance troupe….hehehe…. I loved dancing too.  I still do. I still dance when no one is watching. But in public I don’t think people would enjoy a nearly 30 year old hippo jiggling away. So coming back to songs I repeatedly belted out Titanium in different registers. And my kid enjoyed me bleating away, except when I went tenor, she was stumped for couple of seconds but then she again started giggling. It was fun singing other songs too. Don’t know what came over me. Feeling good again, light as if could fly away. May be it’s because I have come to down to accept that nothing can be done about my prelims. That boat has sailed, in turbulent waters, and hit an iceberg and doing a Titanic. But from tomorrow all the serious studies begin in all earnest. Read whatever I can. It doesn't matter if I haven’t read anything. It’s only prelims. Also am not worried anymore what people will say if I can’t answer something really simple just because I haven’t read it yet despite getting six months extra. What the heck, I don’t give a rat’s furry little ass about what other people will think of me or what they will say behind my back; anyways am going to go away very far from them and hope never see them again in future. So it’s back to trying to pick up the bits of the shattered life. Ok, that’s a bit too melodramatic; especially when it is me, myself, who screwed things up (a tangent: Right now listening to Diamonds by Rihanna as I am typing this out. Hey, it’s a good song). But I promise to myself that tomorrow is another day. A new beginning. Who am I trying to fool? I have said this umpteenth number of times to myself and others but I never change, do I? Every time I quote Scarlett O’Hara. What the hell is wrong with me??!!!?? Am swinging again, no it can’t be. I was so happy whole evening. Not again.

But now I have realized that this is my last chance. I know right now am saying all this cause I am in great frame of mind at present, but am worried when the big dark cloud of gloom and depression floats over. Anyways dad is leaving, gotta see him off and it’s also almost midnight.. So am signing off. Catch ya later.