Meandering thoughts @ 4 a.m.

It is nearly 4 am and am still at my computer whiling away time while the neighborhood dogs are howling away in unison. Their voice lifts up and floats into the humid night air with sort of a surround sound effect. Creepy. I am sitting in the chair and staring at my books waiting for that switch inside me to go on. But nope, nothing is flicking that switch. Am just sitting here feeling kind of funny as if I am hovering somewhere above my body. Not feeling anything. Honesty I don’t believe in all such soul travelling outside body and stuff, but I guess this is the drugs finally kicking in. I am having a premonition that tomorrow is already wasted too. There seems to be no hope.

Well in all this exam hysteria, the fat fighting has been pushed to the backburner. Not been to gym since 10 days. But after the holiday weekend binge, am eating sensibly again despite all these anti-histaminic drugs causing severe hunger cravings. Now, am not sure about this side effect, I haven’t looked it up personally, but once my pharmacology teacher had said this to me. Today mom mentioned twice in passing that I have lost more weight, I guess that’s the generous soul she is. God bless her. But I didn’t have guts to drag my sorry arse up to the scale and find out. I have decided to boycott scales till I start gym back again. Anyways I have come to learn that scales don’t exactly reflect body’s fat loss. Physical measurements are better indicators. So for next fortnight I won’t be hitting the scales. Exams get over next Friday. So I will weigh my chunky self after a week of exercise, honestly I don’t have the guts to risk a heart attack on observing the holiday weight sneaking up on the scales especially with the current predicament of my mind.

v/s

And regarding the questions which arose after The Visit, I have decided, am not moving back to my college to study over there, no way. I will visit only twice week to attend the teaching sessions. This way I can attend the gym over here ( hey I paid for one full year, Rs 15000, that’s a bit too much and I am not wasting it) and the gym at the recreational centre in my college sucks and also my dept head frequents it. So that’s the decision taken, I know it may break some hearts (sarcasm intended)  but I don’t care.

Huh, need to let go of this bitterness and anger from within me. Time, my friend, I need time, I tell you. As they say time heals everything. But even though  time heals the wound scars remain forever, they may fade over time, but still will remain as the everlasting testimony to hurts of the past. And that's the cynical me, back again.

P.S.: the following picture that was shared by my cousin on facebook, is a fitting reply to my ramblings in the previous post Deja Vu.