Attack of the Blues.....

Last three days have been really weird. My mood swings were at their peak. I was yo-yoing between highs and lows. Was again down with cold, this time with sinusitis and pharyngitis. I nearly slept through the entire day for the last two days, maybe because of cold or may be because of the big D. And my nightmares are back. So is my prolonged REM sleep phase. I constantly keep on dreaming and wake up almost every hour or so. This reminds of the line from the latest Wolverine movie (went to see it today evening, kind of let down for I was expecting more of the mutant stuff). It goes like this “You seem to have a lot of night mares. Only those people who have lots of pain inside them have such nightmares" don't remember the exact words but something to this effect.

My prelims are on Monday and am still struggling to read. So much is going on inside my head, at times I feel like screaming and yelling to make it stop or even at times feel like banging my head on the wall. I have got so much to write but for that I have to sort out the thoughts in my head and organize things before I can sit down and write something sensible.

Right now am feeling the bluest of the blues. Feeling this heaviness in my chest, my mind seems clouded and I feel I might even cry at the drop of a hat. It was a wonderful dinner made by mom and wifey. It was a nice family dinner and I ate sensibly. I should be thankful for such great parents, such a loving wife and for having the cutest little kid in the world as my daughter and everyone is healthy and happy. But no, am feeling totally empty inside. I feel like that hollow Tin man. I have even stopped going to the gym, decided to start gym again only after the theory of prelims get over. So there may be lack of endorphins, the happy hormones, or rather neurotransmitters, more specifically. May be I have explanations for this. The following are the three possibilities

1.  Wifey’s vacation ends and she has to return tomorrow to her college and hospital.  She will get to come back next only in October, which is two months away.
2.  Prelims start on Monday and my preparations are on a shaky ground.
3.  (this could be the actual reason) The next day I shall go to drop my wife at the college and will finally have to face my department which as I previously mentioned I ran away from and specially tomorrow being a Tuesday, I will have to run into some people whom I specifically do not want to meet, in order to get to the head of department.